#2 Loathing in process... ...

Living in a shell all these while made a dull boy.

It was then when I started to think about purchasing a house or even my own car. At a young age like this and with no stable income, how could I afford all of these?

Multilevel marketing could be the solution or opening up a conventional business? It seems like that's the only way you could get the hell out of the working environment which sometimes can be bitter or sweet depending on situations.

Future is rather bleak for me here.

------ ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- -----
Frustration often strikes whenever I ask myself now and then, "Why am I here for in the first place?", "Am I even qualified to be here?", "Why do I feel ignored or alienated" etc. Such feelings grow day by day. I wonder I could contain them how much longer?

I have done my best to review and to absorb day by day the knowledge that I lack of but reviewing won't do me any good. I really need practices to know where my weakness is.

In the midst of being busy, am I really that kind of person who is not worth to be concerned of or do I look like a greedy person to you? I admit that what I have chosen is for my own benefit but I did put my very best effort to study about.

Mind you, I did not take it just because I'm going to gobble up the money that you have. I just want to do something that I find interesting. If I do it well, you will also get benefit. One thing for sure, I need to write something to impress you.

Sheesh, sounds like I'm begging for mercy.

Pride aside, I really hope to do something instead of sitting ogling at people and staring at words without talking to people. It's making me going back to my own shell like I used to be. I want to be the outspoken one in Uni once more.

I thought I was growing but instead it seems that I'm shrinking... ...

I'm being more pessimistic... ...

Gah! Almighty one, please save me!

#1 Major boredom strikes!

I’ve changed my blog and post title because they sounded corny, now that I just realized it.

Another reason is that I’ve been strike by major boredom and I’m currently suffering from a disease called, “lack-of-socialization”. I could count how many words or sentence that I’ve uttered for the past few weeks. I seriously need a good chat with anyone at all, including aliens! I’ve approached some of them but it seems like either they are too shy or they are too engrossed in their work.

A major crackdown!

I fully understand that I’ve chosen this job on my own free will and I shall take full responsibility of it instead of complaining. I never knew that this job would be so unproductive and de-socializing. I’m the type of person if given any tasks to be fulfilled; I’ll gladly do it with no complaints.

In other words, I want to be busy! Give me work and I’ll shut my mouth. Period.

Maybe I should think about approaching my boss to give me some work. Do you think he/she will entertain me? Think otherwise, if you are a person with a packed schedule, would you even entertain a lowly fella who seeks for more work and responsibilities to be appointed?

I wonder.

I could have done some extensive reading or maybe prepare some necessary documents needed for my admission as an employee. I’ll let you into my shoes then. How does it feel when you have to read non-stop every single working hour? Unless you’re a typical book-lover, then it’s my bad.

Heck! I’m on the verge of nerve-breaking. Should I leave or should I make the bold move of complaining?

Help me, Almighty one! T.T

Growing 0.25 cm - Ushering the new year

2011 is here for the past 1 week already. As what normal people would say, many things have happened throughout the year of 2010.

Come to think of it, what have I achieved in year 2010? I don't think it was really that significant at all. The only thing I can think of I have graduated from UTAR. That's all, I guess.

Maybe I should have kept a diary for myself and start jotting down every single thing that happens in my life. In other words, I should appreciate every moment.

Yeah! That will be my new year resolution. Pen down every single moment of my life; be it good or bad.

Yes! So be it!

growing 0.24cm - Tired...

I'm tired...

Really tired...

Exhausted till the max...

I give up...

I really give up...

This accumulated feelings...

It doesn't really matter anymore...

Though it's unbearable at times...

I need to stay firm...

Coz if this continues, I noe the cycle will begin again...

I tried to stop it...

But it seems to keep rolling...

I had to stop it...

Stop it from moving further...

It all stops here...

It's time to change my gear...

To another whole new phase...

It'll be hard, I know...

But the world is so big, I have many more things to accomplish...

I have to keep smiling... ... =]

Cheers!

growing 0.23 cm - When people do not appreciate...

Sometimes, it really sucks to think that people do not appreciate what you've been doing...

I mean I've prepared all the things ready to serve you...

I need to take up my time to serve you....

But I'm doing it willingly...

But a mere few hours will make you pissed off...

And I said I would come right now to serve you...

Don't you see my sincerity is there?

And you don't care to ask WHY i was that late...

and NOW you throw tantrums on me...

and you use harsh words on me...

Since when I use harsh words on you...

Can you be more rationale because I'm not your husband or boyfriend!!!

Now, you tagged my photo on the facebook, you want the whole world to know that I'm the villain, and you're the victim?

And yet you said nothing about your boyfriend!!!

What the heck, I feel like I'm being UTILIZED again to serve you...

And one more thing, if you think I should understand you, do you understand me in the first place!!!!!!!!!!!

WHAT THE HELL!!!!

RAWR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Growing 0.22 cm - In Ipoh, In KL, In Kampar

Phew, for the past weeks, been in the state of constipation...

Can feel the toxic in my body sapping out my energy...Reason?Hung out with friends in Ipoh, then in KL, then in Kampar again...Sorry, no pics in Ipoh cuz at that time, my battery became a traitor and left camera-less throughout the whole trip...Bah~~
In KL, attended career fair in Mid Valley to find some jawapan for my future and then hung out and makan makan with kawan-kawan...

K: "Bleh~ I want to eat Carls Jr. lah~~ I dong wan eat Mc D!"

Had our dinner at The Garden's Yo Sushi! Not much of a "Yo!" going around here cuz the food is not yummy-licious...
The happy face while eating her dunno-what-salmon-rice...
The serious face while eating his teriyaki rice..
The financial manager smelling the smell of money- yums~WARNING! BABE AHEAD~ SWITCH ON YOU HEAD LIGHTS!!

And then back in Kampar, celebrated friend's birthday and BBQ-ed

BBQ
+
Kawan punya B'day


One big family~
A (boy): "You gimme back my cake!"
B (girl): "Ahh~ Don't touch my face~!"

The guy and gals desperately wanted to eat raw fishes..told them not to, but they still insisted...LOL!

And that pretty much sums up the things that we did.

xoxoxoxoxo

Growing 0.21 cm - War Zone?

Piew piew piew~~~~! (Bombs everywhere~ Nuclear Bomb everywhere~~~!)

The whole world gonna crumble within seconds!!!

All human race, please run from your life!!

Kaboooooom! And the world ended...

And such is the world as it is, right now.

And of course there are those who are so called the "peace-lovers" of the world who will stand up and demand for peace.

If peace were THAT easy to obtain, humans can start living their lives every single day SMILING!

Peace, in a sense, is used to balance violence.

The same theory goes for ying and yang and bla bla bla...there goes the loooong history back then.

So, we still need this peace loving people around la...

Though sometimes their effort is a waste of time, but at least it balances violence before the whole human race is wiped out by violence.

The question is, if there such thing as integrity or any how-to-be-a-civic-minded person courses going around, why are there so much back-stabbing la, cursing la, revenge la, gossiping la and whatever evil things?

Reason is?

Simple, they choose to be like that...

Or you can say, it's human nature to be like that...

And because of this, the so called war zone happens quite frequently in communities or even in a small group of homo sapiens.

Homo sapiens, for your info, live in herds. So, naturally, you'll have this evil thing lurking around.

So for those weak ones, they'll kena the venom of the evil ones.

And there goes again, the war zone!!! Piew Piew Piew~~~!!!

And then until there's one person that cannot tahan already, he/she will unleash the final bomb..and most probably the scariest bomb ever, NUCLEAR BOMB!

Finally, KABOOOM! and every one dies...

But meh, nowadays people have improved in their technology. So even if one nuclear bomb is released, they'll have anti-nuclear weapons. And when it's their turn, they will unleash their nuclear bomb as well.

Heh.. ..

And then, there comes anti-nuclear team coming over to promote peace amongst these homo sapiens.

Some of them sudah sedar...and they became friends again...

However, there somewhere in the corner of the brain of homo sapiens, contains a little amount of evilness..maybe in mg or microgram..

As time passes by...the evilness grow again...

At last, you can build a tent outside to see many "mushrooms" blooming here and there while seeping your afternoon tea...

Of course, it's better not to stay too long unless you want to get mutated.

You see, what I'm trying to say is that,

"Can Human Attain Such Purity?"

Translation: Can human be sooooo civic-minded??? until you can even smile to your enemies? I mean REAL smiles.

Phew...I guess I'm too random at times. Anyways, homo sapiens are animals too....so if you say we sudah civilised...i don't think so, coz we're all still babarians.

The end...

p/s: This fiction above is also written by a homo sapien because he also babarian ma, so he's sharing the babarian story lo..

No offense because this homo sapien already told u this post is a fiction story only.

Growing 0.20 cm - Being short and sweet

Humans tend to get fed up easily...

Once they're exposed to the same over and over again, they'll eventually get bored.

Even the civilians who worked routinely day and night, they'll definitely find it boring.

So, they choose entertainment since it's more fun.

Even the monks in the temple, I don't really believe they would pray and pray and pray every single day without feeling bored.

I'm sure they would find some social work to do, to meet people, to see the world.

Before I go too far, I'll conclude that humans are creatures that get bored easily.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Humans too easily get fed up if one tend to talk too much or worry too much.

Once a person tend to worry too much, he/she'll make sure everything goes smoothly..

So, he/she will make sure the minor details are taken into consideration.

So, when the conversation starts, it seems endless because he/she would explain, explain, explain until the other party gets it.

And at the end of day, he/she will be termed as a time-wasting machine.

Why so? Simply because he/she has lost faith in them.

He/she worries too much because he/she thinks that they could not handle the minor details which will in turn, end up in a total mess.

Crab, isn't it?

Come to think of it, these homo sapiens are already adults.

I should have left these minor details for them to decide themselves.

I should have been more short and sweet in giving my instructions.

I should have been more discreet and stern while giving out my instructions.

In short, I should have been that lenient all the time.

I'm too kind-hearted.

Am I?

I guess after all the rambling, it all comes back to me.

The problem lies with me, myself and non other people.

Crab, isn't it?

Still, I could not understand why these people are sooooooooooo ______________ until I also want to give up and say "bye-bye" to them.

[You fill in the blanks yourself.]

p/s: I've noticed that most of my posts are EMO. Man! I'll grow old faster....=.='''.

Growing 0.19cm - Memang ketam....

Oh crab!

I've always wanted to organize a faculty night of our own.

I've wanted a totally different one.

So I've come up with a charity night together with my committees.

The theme would be Masquerade Night initially...

And voila! Pops out another xxx society also has the same theme as us...

He called me and told me lotsa things...bla bla bla...

So I back off and change it to mysterious night and I added some french word to make it sound better..

And yet he called me...bla bla bla bla...

And he used french as well...

Talk about ciplak...

Heck, I didn't copyright french in the first place...

If I did, I could have file a law suit and get the compensation as income for my society..

Evil me..."grins"

I am worried as well

Because there are so many upcoming nights...

I wonder if my ticket sell well?

I wonder would any want to pay a price that is higher than anyone else?

For the sake of charity?

To save the environment?

Will people still be that kind hearted to even donate it??

Crab! Ketam!

Still, I must have confident with my committee members...

I hope everything goes well..

Really..I do hope so...

"Fingers-crossed"...

Crab... ...

Growing 0.18cm - Cooked...

I cooked again...for my friends in 1506...

Of course, my friends helped out.

I had a feeling whenever I cook.

The feeling of satisfaction whenever I see my friends eating and chatting all the way during the dinner.

The feeling of warmth.

All the laughter still rings in my head..so clearly and vividly..

When could this kind of feeling last, I wonder?

Ahh, I'm being pessimistic again..

I still could have all the chance on the world to cook for my friends again...

So I guess, there's not much I can worry...unless they've changed their contacts...

Sad but well, I have to face it this coming October where we all go our separate ways..

Anyways, a random photo of me, =):

p/s: I'm a poor cam-whorer..


On the side note,

The slow mode in me has begun its infestation..

Everything is going pretty slow...

Even my brain...

The cells is like gradually depleting away...I guess by that time, my brain would the size of a peanut...

Or maybe a walnut..

=x

Growing 0.17 cm - Why use "f*ck"?

Nowadays...people love to use the word f*uck whenever he or she feels frustrated...

Some people even abuse the f*ck word in their daily conversation...

Is the f*uck really that necessary?

Some people say they would feel better if they shout out "f*ck"

Some people think it's cool to use "f*ck"

Some people say it just because they like saying it...=.=''

What about you? Why do you think you used "f*ck"?

Personally, I don't really like to use this word. Reason? Simple. Why use f*ck all the time in a conversation. Use different vocabulary instead la. Be creative...

Lame....

But think about it, if you had the habit to use the word f*ck all the time when you get upset, you'll definitely land yourself into trouble...

When your boss scold you, you said, " F*ck you!" Even in silent tone, you'd be heard if your boss has a pair of sensitive ears.

And then, you lose your job or maybe your salary being decreased...

At the least serious state, your boss impression towards you dropped instantly...

How great is that?

One word that can kill you in split second...

F*ck....

Anyways, think about it...

It's not only this word that I'm speaking about...they're all types of f*ck related words existing in this world...

It's all human's creativity....

p/s: I once said this word regularly but later when I think about it..it's not that fun to say...coz you might lose some friends on the way...

So I quitted...=)

Growing 0.16 cm - It's YUMMY-licious!

Home cooked food on the way~

Had been eating outside food for the too long...

Consequences: Having a great time pushing my feces out like a pregnant woman

Plans to overcome it: Homecooked food with extra fibers a.k.a vegetables added

Person to execute the cooking mission: Ho Pei Fen and Chin Yin Yien.

End result:

Glorious food glorious! Not too salty, not too bitter, not too sweet. Everything's just fine.


The half naked guest of the day~

The happy family gobbling up the food~

Conclusion: Had a nice dinner with my family..=) Had a nice chat with all of them. Laughed hard.

Oh, I had a smooth business the next day after consuming the extra fibers.

Cheers~!

Growing 0.16 cm - Dinner's on the way!!

Gonna cook to my other coursemates for the first time...

Never cooked for them before...

Felt rather nervous...

Hope it's not too salty or sweet or even BITTER!

=.='''

God bless me...

Buai!

Growing 0.15 cm - Pieces of thoughts

“It’s okay if you cry,” because you suddenly told me so
For some reason, I felt happy and a smile spilled instead of tears

With way-too-awkward words, I ended up hurting you
However, you didn’t leave me
And even now, you’re supporting me like this, surely…

A wish I want to fulfill, a dream I want to fulfill, thoughts I want to send, everything-
The act of continuing to believe summons a miracle and it’s connected to the future
Forever, hey, I want you to watch over me forever
Dear My Friends

“You’ll be fine,” because you told me so when we were about to part
The loneliness that I felt, with that single remark, vanished neatly

To open a new door- Anyone would be scared and full of anxiety about it
But because if I recall you, who pushed my back
Strength comes and overflows in me

Honest feelings, inexorable things, frank words, everything-
If I could convey them audibly, then the future would unfold
Always, yeah, because you exist in my heart always
Dear My Friends

Even if stand still, even if I seem to forget
I vow to face forward time and time again, for no matter how many times
Light shines in from the sky that I looked up at
Until the day when I can meet you again

Growing 0.14 cm - Back to kampar and hello 2010!

It's already the third week of 2010...

I knew I haven't updated my blog for a while...

But bah.. ..

Classes are rather packed besides Wednesday which is totally free. Wednesday was supposed to be my final year project slot but...

I'll only start doing my FYP during my semester break.

I'll be going to bintulu to catch some animals...

Hopefully la..

Cool?

Not really, because I'm craving for things to do.

Hmm...

I've forgotten that I have my resolutions and plans... ...

I shall realized them before the end 2010.

It's not "shall" that should be used, it's "must".

Have quite a few photos to upload but will update them soon...

So stay tune if there're anyone reading this..=)

Growing 0.16cm ~ In the process of transforming..

Dear people,

This is me...

The current me...

The fat me...

The indescribable me...

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

Bah..lazy to edit the photo cause pointless..

Am in the process of transforming into this

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Either one of them would do..even if I have half of their face...except the one on the far left =)...

p/s:
my hormones are still normal and I don't need guys to reach orgasm...
I need to regain my confidence...ROAR..being fat for 20 years is so unbearable...
Why am I fat?
Coz I like to eat.
Why I like to eat?
Coz I live to eat..
Wrong!
I should eat to live..
but i still love to eat...=(
Bah!

Ramblings won't help!
It'll make you grow fatter!
ROAR!!

The end... ...

Pathetic me...

Growing 0.15cm - I've married myself to orchids! =)

Again, I'm pretty late in updating my blog.

It's purely due to laziness...=)

Anyways, I've been training under Sarawak Biodiversity Centre since 5th October.

So this is what I did.


Still dunno what the hell did I do for my training?

By the way, you can call me a gardener because that's part of my job. =)


Still not satisfied? Still scratching your head?

Aiyo! I told you I'm a gardener. I keep the plants alive every single day...except for weekends..


And yeah, I plant some orchids too. =) Bad photo quality, my bad...but still the flowers are nice, right?

p/s: I like purple that's why I said it's nice...=x

If you might think what is that fluffy thing or you think that it's sweet floss candy that you happily lick your way through, think again! It's freaking fungus contaminating my experiment! RAWR!

Great! I think I've exposed my job....T.T
Ok la! I'm doing plant tissue culture now. It's actually cutting leaves, stems or roots from parts of the plants and placed in nutrient agar medium to let them grow into new cells and finally regenerate into new plants.

I've tried to explain it as simple as possible..hope you understand..=)

My working bench..=)

You might think that it's dry and boring job..but I like my current training now.

At least my supervisors and the staffs there are friendly..=D

At least, I get to try a lot of new stuff that I have never learnt in my plant tissue culture while I'm in UTAR.

At least, there are girls to glimpse at...opps..=.='' forgive my hormones..

At least, I'm in my lovely hometown now! Kuching food..nyahahahaha!

Alright, enough with my training.

So, what are some other things that I do during my weekends?

I learn how to bake!

Sissy? Lame?

tOOt off to people who thinks that way!

Coz baking is no more limited to girls anymore! Guys who learn to cook and bake will never have to starve themselves to death. =D
First try - Apple pie! Well, it was apple-liciously scrumptious! Though the crust is abit thin and the apples were overly packed inside it...it was still YUM!

I was thinking of pouring half bottle of cinnamon powder into the apples before baking but...too sweet might cause diabetes..so I gave up! =(

Second try - Dark chocolate tart!!!

The crust is abit to hard..=.=''' It's the damn recipe's fault! At first, I put the flour as written inside that book and I had to knit until the mixture became a dough. But it ended up into a sticky mixture...what the hell! So my mom and me had to modify by adding flour and voila! The crust is as hard as rock! =.='' I guess when you hit the tart to the wall, it will definitely bounce back to you.

But still...I like the tart cause of the chocolate...yum!!

I guess that's all for now!

==================

Growing 0.14 cm - Am I a fish seller? o.O

LOL! Finished my finals several weeks ago and I got a B- for my genetics.

Genetics FREAKED me out during my finals. I almost leak out some urine...

=(..

Anyways, I should be grateful for not bringing neither a cat or a dog home...

On the other hand, I've just receive my industrial training since 5th October 2009. Will be ending my training on the 18th December 2009...

It's a busy life everyday..doing experiments and reports...

It's like back to campus life..=.=

But worst of all, I'm working as a FREE labour.

Nonetheless, I shall treat as an experience in the society. Rather than growing mushrooms at home, I learn to mix around with people. =D

Well, everything comes with a price. If you need some things to be fulfilled in your life, you will need an equal trade-off. That's the rule of life, ain't it so?

Oh, recently, some friends commented me as a fish seller.

Still don't get it?

It means I'm selfish..

Am I?

Until a certain extent, I admit it.

Let me illustrate an example.

I borrowed some books from xxx during finals since we are taking the same subject. I need them to do some references.

But I did not return them after a few days or weeks. FYI, we live under the same roof and I was an absent minded kind of person. I did that a couple of times as well.

Because of this, I was termed as selfish.

There are always solutions to every problems. Thus I formulated two methods:

1. xxx could have told me that he/she need the book so badly. Then, I would gladly return the book. The thing is, I asked before I borrow though I did not ask for the last time but after that, I've learned to ask with my mouth.

2. I shall not borrow anything from him/her. The last resort would be the library. At least I don't have to be labeled as selfish by the library. =0

Reasons behind that I may be selfish at times are:

1. I'm the youngest in the family.

2. I seldom care about other people. People MUST care about me instead.

Sounds like a spoil brat, right?

Still, I can't live in the society with such attitude.

People will HATE me as mentioned before.

So instead, I will choose to sell myself. =) Why? Selling myself to others is all about caring and helping those around you.

What goes around comes around..

If you treat people good, someday you will get your rewards even if that person treat you like a piece of shit.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Growing 0.13 cm - I want to survive!

I want to survive,
I want to survive,
I still can't stop wanting to survive,
Guided by the constellations, our eyes meet.

I want to survive,
I am at a loss,
Gently withering away,
But until I show my true self,
I will not sleep.

AND YES! I WILL SURVIVE TILL THE END, YOU BLOODY FINAL EXAMINATIONS! UNTIL THEN, I MUST PERSEVERE AND FIGHT WITH ALL MY MIGHT!

JUST YOU WAIT FINALS! I WILL TAKE MY REVENGE ON YOU! ROAR!!

The end...bye!

T.T... ...

Growing 0.12 cm - My English very good meh?~

Had my moral finals today. I had a sambal bihun ayam nasi belanda kueh tiaw goreng prepared for the lecturer... ...

I wonder if he/she likes it? I need a 7 star rating coz u can't find such dishes anywhere else in the world, right?

Anyways, I was having lunch today with my friends at Secret Brown Cafe at New Town (it's in Kampar, by the way) and FYI, the whole new town has electricity cut-off.

We were eating in a desert...

Soon after we finished eating, my friends started to comment on my english... ...

Not to offense anyone or hao lian (it's hokkien and it means sombong or proud or LCLY), they said I have a good command of english.

I was like o___O... ...

Some of my friends even said my english was too hard to understand whenever they read my blog or whenever they read what I wrote..

I was further 0______________O'''-ed.

I mean seriously, I would like to say thank you for complimenting me..but somehow I could not even utter that two words out from my mouth.

Simply because I was in this state...o___O.

But, still guys, I am still improving my English. I still have difficulty in reading books written by the British lang or simply the caucausians.

Their english is wayyyyyyy professional than me and wayyyyyyy more bombastic than me...

In every sentence, there are always three to four words that I could not understand...

I'm still a learner, ok? T.T But I don't read dictionary laaaa~ =)

So, what I wrote or speak is completely normal English...

*Note: I'm not despising anyone here. It's my personal opinion and I am still IMPROVING my English.

On the other hand... ...

Had a BBQ session with fellow housemates since I don't know how many weeks ago. Paiseh, I completely forgot the time ler...T.T

Me with the dorky look =.='' Not photoshop or whatsoever to make it look nicer or chio-er...sad, eh?

The poser girls. Paiseh, I only have this group photo. Sorry to the other girls. =(

The poser guys. The one without face is busy eating...=.=''

The grilled fish...with a touch of squeezed lime. Yum! Though it's a bit black, but still yum! =)

The food waiting to be cooked or rather BBQ-ed and served into our stomachs.

Not to forget...our birthday girl whose birthday is on xx.xx.1990...You've grown up another year now. =) Stay strong ya! =D

*Note: I put xx sebab I have to jaga her privacy ma...if you wanna know, go ask her lor...

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

That's all for now...bye!